Jesus, I am Resting

I have decided to start potty-training my two and a half year old son.  It is going terribly.  So bad, in fact, that I am contemplating quitting.  I have longed for the day to have only one child in diapers in stead of two since the day my second son was born.  But maybe that day is further in the future than I had hoped?  I don't actually know why I decided to undertake such a large task with a newly three month-old baby.  We have slipped into a decent routine, but there are still so many things to be done at home.  So many lessons to plan for my kindergartner, so many tantrums to stop with the two year old, and lots of feedings and cuddles and diapers to change with the newborn.

Part of the routine involves the baby going down for his morning nap around 9 am, and sleeping for a couple of hours.  You can get lulled into a sense of reliable consistency when the schedule is relatively unchanged for several days.  I have been so lulled that I almost forgot I was dealing with a newborn, and newborns tend to have days that don't fit into my day planner.  Sunday was such a day.  The little boy slept on the way to church and for about ten minutes while we were at church.  Other than that, he didn't sleep all morning.  No sleep when he is used to two hours of sleep.  This made for a cranky baby.  I tried very purposefully to usher him into the land of nod, but nothing worked.  Instead as the morning wore on, he became more and more agitated.  Even the car ride away from church failed to console him.  After lunch, he again began to cry, but this time I didn't jump to comfort him.  I knew with certainty that his only need, the only reason he was distressed was his lack of sleep.  If he would only allow himself to fall asleep, he would receive the rest his body craved.  "Just let yourself go to sleep, little one.  You'll feel so much better,"  I thought.

Almost as soon as I thought this, I heard within my spirit:  "You are worried and bothered about so many things." (Luke10:41)  A feeling similar to shame washed over me.  I knew God was speaking to me, very personally.  Because I know that I have been very concerned with all the ancillary details of life, writhing with dissatisfaction and anxiousness.  I have been concerned about getting dinner on the table at the right time, putting all the toys away before bedtime, getting the baby to sleep through the night.  I have been striving to achieve order and "peace" in my home with three little ones, not allowing myself to rest in Him.  But how can I do that?  How can I rest in His presence when the dishes are piling up, and beds need made, sheets need washed, and there is a never-ending list of chores.  The answer came quietly into my heart.  Sit at the feet of Jesus.  Allow yourself to be in his presence, with no other worry or burden. Listen to His voice and the rest my soul craves will come.  

  "Only one thing is necessary, and Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:42  Why won't I simply allow myself to be carried into the peace that only he can give?  True rest.

Several days earlier my husband read a short devotional to the children before bed.  It sprang to my mind.  "When you open the windows, do you have to beg the fresh air to come in?  Or when you open the curtains in the morning, do you have to argue with the sun to make it shine into your room?...Don't try to work it out by yourself.  Let God's peace flow in-like sunshine into a dark room."  (Sally Lloyd-Jones, Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing)  My little girl had laughed at the thought of standing in front of her window, asking the sun to shine in.  And it is laughable.  It is laughable that I would be striving and working and straining about so many things when all I MUST do is lean into the warm comfort of God's peace.  Only one thing is needed.  Resting at the feet of Jesus.  And this inevitably brings peace and rest, just like throwing open the curtains and letting the sun flood the room.  Sometimes I wonder if God looks down at me with the same perplexity I gazed at my baby son.  Why won't she just let herself rest?  If she would allow herself to be with me-without concerning herself about these tangible tasks-she would be amazed at the refreshment she would enjoy.  Today I am throwing open the curtains and basking in the rest that floods my soul as I soak in the joy of the Lord.

Jesus I am resting, resting

IN the joy of what Thou art,

I am finding out the greatness 

Of they loving Heart

O, how great Thy lovingkindness

Vaster, broader than the sea

O, how marvelous Thy goodness

Lavished all on me!

Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus

I behold Thee as thou art

And Thy love, so pure, so changeless

Satisfies my heart

--Jean S. Pigot

Maybe take a minute to rest and listen to the music that accompanies such a powerful and majestic hymn?  I will certainly be humming this tune and mulling these words for quite some time as I lean into His rest.