To Know You

I often ask God to bring me closer to Him.  To let me know Him more, to understand the depths of His character and reflect Him.  It occurred to me the other day that I have been praying in the same manner as the most naive child.  I don't really understand what I am asking God to do.  I think somewhere in my me-centered mind, I have unconsciously thought getting closer to God would bring more favor or abundance or maybe less conflict.  If I am getting closer to God, surely this will be reflected in less financial stress.  More wisdom in parenting, and surely my children would exhibit my wisdom by their ever-increasing good behavior?  Less relational strife, perhaps.  Certainly I would expect a daily serenity to hang over me from the moment my feet hit the floor until I return to sleep, helping me to manage my emotions and daily stresses with ease and an almost supernatural grace.

But my life is not full of these kinds of tangible comforts.  In fact I have come to expect those blessings as exceptions rather than the rules of my day.  But I continue to pray to know Him more.  So what is He giving me?  "Draw close to God and He will draw close to you." -James 4:8 I am asking; I am trying to lean closely to His side.  Yesterday, while I scrubbed a wall newly stripped of eighties-style wall paper, epiphany dawned.  When I ask to know God more deeply I am really asking to experience more suffering, more unjust criticism, more earthly sorrow.   I can' t say this thought made me immediately smile, but upon  reflection,a  slow joy is beginning to dawn.


"...that I may KNOW HIM and the power of His resurrection, and MAY SHARE IN HIS SUFFERINGS, becoming like Him in His death." --Phillipians 3:10

This is the key to really understanding who my Lord is.  To endure the pains of life with a persistent belief in His undeniable goodness.  If I share in the sufferings of Christ, I experience the comfort of my Father in ways I wouldn't otherwise. "For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too." -I Corinthians 1:5  What depth of His character is open to me as I walk through the fires of life.  The richness of His comfort and a well of peace opens to me in my pain-a heretofore untapped resource.  When life is pleasant, when I am well-thought of by everyone I encounter, when I can see exactly how my family's needs will be provided, when uncertainty is non-existent-I have no need to run to the loving, all-sustaining arms of my Father.  But when I am unjustly criticized, when I am lonely, when I can't see provision on the horizon-these are the times when I can plumb the vastness of His grace and the fullness of His compassion to an aching child.  If life's road were straight, minus unexpected curves and roadblocks, would I ever see His care?  Would I ever know the true meaning of His goodness?  His love for His children?

There are certainly many different types of life pain.  Appliances break down, cars won't start, children are constantly fighting, bills pile far above incoming paychecks, loved ones die unexpectedly, terminal illness afflicts someone close or even ourselves, innocent children are abused.  These are all hardships of life-either minor or not-that point us to the comfort of God or drag our eyes earthward, doubting Him.  But there is also the suffering we endure BECAUSE OF our faith.  The loss of friendships, slander at work, rejection of family members because of a principled stand.  But what ultimate joy we have knowing that either type of suffering will lead us to knowing Him more.  To understand a modicum of our Savior's sacrifice and the acceptance He offers is a prize of high value.  "...heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, PROVIDED WE SUFFER WITH HIM in order that we may also be glorified with him."  -Romans 8:17

So what, exactly, am I asking God when I ask to know Him more?  To grow closer to His side and become a more perfect reflection of Him?  I am asking Him to allow suffering and pain into my life.  But I have joy knowing that when He brings me pain, His compassion and comfort will wash over me in never-ending waves.  I will experience grace and peace that I have never known, and this will bring me closer to knowing the fullness of His character.  And this is what I daily pray I may never lose sight as my life-goal: to know Him more fully through sharing in suffering.
__________________________________________________________
As I study suffering, these verses (it is helpful to read them in full context) are only a few that have provided comfort and cheer.

* I Peter 5:10
*I Peter 4:13, 19
*2 Thessalonians 1:5
*James 5:10, 11
*James 1:2-3
*Romans 8:18
*I Peter 4:1
*Phillipians 1:29
* Romans 5:3
*Job 36:15