Tugging

Recently I have felt more and more as though I am on a treadmill, never going anywhere and never accomplishing anything.  Maybe not on a treadmill, more like one of those wheels in hamster cages.  Running, running, running, but never having anything to hold up and say, "look, this is the great progress I have made."  I do many daily duties: change diaper, kiss hurts, cook meals, read stories, dust and vacuum.  But why do I feel as though nothing is ever really being done?  Why am I constantly struggling with the same life burdens, never quite able to vanquish doubts or laugh in the face of my fears.  Never fully capable of permanently shoving away the guilt or the insecurity. I went to the grocery store this morning, and when I got home, the bags littered our small kitchen floor.  My youngest likes to think he is helping, so he started tugging and pulling on the bags, trying to drag them over to the refrigerator to empty them.  The bags were heavy though, and he gave up.  I identify with him.  That seems to be my life: tugging, pulling, trying to bear something far too heavy for me.  It only moves a little bit, but barely anything measurable, and then the day is over.  I give up just to go to sleep, but unlike the little man, I start exactly in the same place the next morning, pulling, tugging, hoping to make some type of progress on the loads in my life.  There are several burdens I am currently trying to move, but each day it seems as if there is so much energy required to simply pull on them, in hopes this will be the day that I make progress.

My baby tried to move those heavy bags all by himself and anyone would have been able to see that the burdens he was trying to drag were way too much for him.  I am trying to shoulder my own loads.  I admit it, shamefully, and I need to be reminded: "Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you." --Peter 5:7  I don't want to try to shoulder these life cares on my own anymore.  And I definitely don't want to give up.  I will give them to the One who cares about me, instead.