I have started asking God what exactly does he want me to be learning from these thorns that prick each day? The other morning, I thought I had found His answer. "Cease from anger and forsake wrath; DO NOT FRET; IT LEADS ONLY TO EVILDOING." -Psalm 37:8 That must be it. The Lord is telling me to stop worrying and continually wondering what can be done about each of these situations. I went about my day rolling those words over and over in my mind, trying to press them into my heart. But I still felt unsettled, and by the end of the day, I felt vaguely aware that God was still waiting for me to hear something more specific. I had taken one step, but there were more to come.
The next morning I was praying. As I began my requests, I started asking God to bring my children to salvation in Him. I asked that they would grow knowing His deep love and grace, and constantly see His mighty hand of provision and healing in their lives. Suddenly, my heart felt cold, and I realized God was near, speaking, "HOW CAN YOU TEACH THEM THESE TRUTHS WHEN YOU DON'T COMPLETELY BELIEVE THEM YOURSELF? YOU DOUBT MY LOVE AND MY HEALING AND MY PROVISION. BUT I AM JEHOVAH-JIREH, JEHOVAH-RAPHA, AND YOU CAN KNOW IT." I couldn't even argue, because the truth was so clear. I do doubt the character of my God. In my most secret place, I often wonder how He could love me, how will He meet our needs, and can he really heal this most terrible illness? I need to repent of my doubting, and of my living my life as though God doesn't see them. My prayer time became a time to ask that Holy Spirit to be near to means to teach me to stand in the truth of who God is without wavering. (He is doing it!).
As profound and intimate that revelation God is allowing me to see about myself and my relationship to Him, He was not done. It was simply another stepping stone to the truth God really wants me grasp as I grapple with weighty heart burdens. "God leads His dear children along." The core truth that I needed to accept is one so simple that I am sure most of my brothers and sisters have long ago accepted it.
"O God, we have heard with our ears, our fathers have told us, what deeds you performed in their days...FOR NOT BY THEIR OWN SWORD DID THEY WIN THE LAND, nor did their own arm save them, but YOUR RIGHT HAND AND YOUR ARM, and the light of your face, for you delighted in them." - Psalm 44:1, 3
How profound and how utterly true these words. Marvelous things happened to the Israelite people, but none of them were due to their own efforts. This is so elementary I know, but reading that verse the other morning hit me hard. All of the wanderings, all of the military victories, all of the miraculous provisions-absolutely ALL of them- can only be attributed to God's mighty hand. And since God is unchanging, the same must be true for me. I can give as much time as I want to trying to figure ways to solve problems pressing on my soul, but even if I take action, the solutions will be due solely to the working of GOD'S right hand. His power and wisdom are in complete and ultimate control. Stunning to me. When I sit down, silence my frantic mind, and really absorb this concept, I cannot grasp the wonder and beauty of it. The battle truly is the Lord's. He will fight for me. And since I know that He is good and faithful and just, I don't have to fret. I can throw myself with abandon on His provisions, knowing that He is perfectly sovereign. What freedom this is producing in my days. What fresh delight in the power of my Lord. "O Lord, YOU brought us out..."
I concede these are all primary Christian truths that are somewhat basic to a vibrant understanding of our faith and our Lord. But I am finding that truths that I have heard and repeated since I was a child were simply words, never actually fully pressed into my heart. Never really altering my daily life outlook. Thank you Father for loving me enough to bring life to Your words in a way that my full days, packed with chores and children and life problems, will never be conducted the same after encountering freshness in Your truths.
"O God, we have heard with our ears, our fathers have told us, what deeds you performed in their days...FOR NOT BY THEIR OWN SWORD DID THEY WIN THE LAND, nor did their own arm save them, but YOUR RIGHT HAND AND YOUR ARM, and the light of your face, for you delighted in them." - Psalm 44:1, 3
How profound and how utterly true these words. Marvelous things happened to the Israelite people, but none of them were due to their own efforts. This is so elementary I know, but reading that verse the other morning hit me hard. All of the wanderings, all of the military victories, all of the miraculous provisions-absolutely ALL of them- can only be attributed to God's mighty hand. And since God is unchanging, the same must be true for me. I can give as much time as I want to trying to figure ways to solve problems pressing on my soul, but even if I take action, the solutions will be due solely to the working of GOD'S right hand. His power and wisdom are in complete and ultimate control. Stunning to me. When I sit down, silence my frantic mind, and really absorb this concept, I cannot grasp the wonder and beauty of it. The battle truly is the Lord's. He will fight for me. And since I know that He is good and faithful and just, I don't have to fret. I can throw myself with abandon on His provisions, knowing that He is perfectly sovereign. What freedom this is producing in my days. What fresh delight in the power of my Lord. "O Lord, YOU brought us out..."
